| Today symbolizes an interesting day in time for me. It is the day that is equal to the time I had with my brother on this earth and the time I have lived on this earth without my mother. It is three days shy of eleven years. While it seems so short with the time I had with Todd, it also feels like forever ago with my mother here. However, they are both the exact same timeframe. Crazy! Ever since last year, I have been reluctant to share my family and or my grief journey on social media. After I released my memoir, I personally was told that I talk about them too much. By more than one person. It ANGERED me which really was sadness! While in these situations I know that this was THEIR own issue with death and grief, it made me stop openly talking about my own experience. I became tired of defending my own journey so others could remain comfortable with their fear of death. Why I stopped openly sharing on social media is I am not interested in having to deal with other people’s opinions of my pain. There is ALWAYS a comment that tells me about how I am to have experienced this. It is like mansplaining, but slightly different….mediasplaining? The cruel joke about grief is while you are in the throes of the heaviness of loss, it becomes your responsibility to manage other people’s uncomfortableness around your own grief. It is ridiculous. Another layer to grief is that you do not understand it until you experience it yourself. Or better yet how I typically say it, ‘until it is your front row seat at the funeral’. I became committed to healing my grief six months prior to my mother’s death. It was all perfectly laid out for me since my mother’s death was unexpected. I had established rapport with my counselor by processing my brother and father’s deaths. I started immediately seeing her again to deal with my compound loss. While I know my situation is not the norm for most people, it is my lived experience. Thank goodness most of you have all of your beloved family members here on earth for most of your life. While I am genuinely happy for you, I can honestly say, I do not understand what that is like to have all those closest to me still here on earth. Yet, I do not ask you to explain to me what it is like to not experience loss. That would just be weird. Yet, it is strange that people ask me about my experience of loss. Why? Like I said earlier, I know it is because of the FEAR of death. Whether that is your own death or someone else that you love. The conversation of death and loss needs to be normalized. It is a taboo conversation. It would mean that we would need to acknowledge that people have (GASP) emotions and feelings! Thank you for witnessing, seeing and hearing me in this email. This is one of my core values. To be witness, seen and heard. Life is cyclical and I have always been fascinated by significant numbers. Three has been one I have carried with me my whole life and eleven years marks this time I have been navigating this life on my own. It was important for me to acknowledge this strange time. Thank you again so seeing me as I am. Much love, Trudi |
Categories: Life Coaching